A childhood experience led to a life of Spiritual awareness and joy: Robert Mills
Laurie’s Note: I met Robert Mills at Pathways of Light in Kiel, Wisconsin while we were both there at an ordination weekend. I have since had the honor of getting to know Robert and Brenda, his wife, better. Robert has dedicated his life to Spirit, which often takes the form of helping others. The experience that follows is in Robert’s own words. It happened to him when he was three-years-old. Robert Mills passed away this year, 2008. You may contact his beloved Brenda at robertatfarm@netins.net
“…the next moment I was hovering above an ambulance and watching men with tears in their eyes and very sad hearts...”	The attempt to describe a light experience is at all times incomplete. Why? I have found that the NOW moment is endless and in truth I by myself do not know what anything means.  This account continues to unfold and what I see is what I invite.  NOW I invite only LOVE, and it from here I share.  This account transpires over calendar time of 35 years, yet it now seems like one complete instant surrounded by Grace. Robert Mills’ experience: When I was three-years-old I saw a puppy, brown and white, soft and innocent. I wanted to hold the puppy and be friends with this bouncy, four-legged bundle of joy.  I ran after the puppy, and he ran and ran. That was all I remembered seeing and thinking, then the next moment I was hovering above an ambulance and watching men with tears in their eyes and very sad hearts.
“…I seem to travel instantly, and saw my mother driving to a friend's house...”	I could feel their sadness deep within me. Then I heard myself say, "Hey I'm okay, I have no pain and I am fine, it is not what it seems," but they didn't hear me. Then I seem to travel instantly, and saw my mother driving to a friend's house. She had tears in her eyes and was clutching a white hanky. I felt her sadness and terror and heard her prayers, "God please don't let that my precious boy die."  I heard myself say," Mom, don't be sad, I am okay, I am really okay.”  Then immediately I saw my father at his store talking on the phone to a woman named Mrs. Stadlemeyer that I had been hit by a car, and he had to go. He was brave and detached. He had the deepest terror, I could not feel it and he would not show it, but I saw it in his eyes, in his soul. I knew he would be okay, I felt assured. I then remember the people at the hospital removing the blanket from my head.  I was above the room looking down on the stretcher and both of the women saw the small broken body and wept at the sight and said what a beautiful child, and wept openly.  I was no longer telling people I was alright, for I now knew they couldn't hear me.  I just let go. Then, while I still hovered above the room, I saw a scurry in this operating room, and men in masks were very hurried and hopeful. The fear in the room remained. Then I awoke and a little body was stretched out with cords around my arms and legs, I was in traction and the bones were mending. I heard my mother tell other people in the room "He had been hit by a car, and we thought he was gone, he's my little angel."
“…As I was growing up I never felt a part of the world. I knew inside it was not as it seems.  But I never knew what that meant...”	Aftermath of the Experience I don't remember how long I was in traction but I was very lonely and no one could hug me, I could feel no ones skin next to mine and I had to wear a diaper in that cast and the nurse that changed me was unkind and embarrassed me. Next I went to a body cast from the neck to the toes and now I was having fun.  My older brother and sister would put a rope below my chin and swing me around the basement floor and I would slide forever.  I was never in any pain.  I never experienced any pain in the whole deal. As I mended I never told anyone about my "soul travel" out-of-body experience. I felt it was as natural as rain on a sunny day. As I was growing up I never felt a part of the world. I knew inside it was not as it seems.  But I never knew what that meant. My mother worried about me, every time her eyes meet mine I saw in her eyes the terror and the thought she almost lost me. I felt possessed, smothered and overprotected. I hated that feeling.
“…I have since seen in my mind, as an ancient memory, that there is no death and it is not a release from life, death is meaningless and a hoax...”	As time went on, I was in the hospital every year till I left home for some broken bone or minor illness. I always got attention and loving feelings when I was in the hospital. I had a "successful" unconscious habit to get attention and bring the family together. Get hurt, give up, and get "loved." Some of us have false idols, be it money, power, sex, material things, mine was death, it takes many forms, some intense pain-body experiences and some less intense like depression, sadness and terror.  The intensity is of no matter, the idol remained the same, death was a "sure release and it didn't hurt." That was and is an insane statement. I have since seen in my mind, as an ancient memory, that there is no death and it is not a release from life, death is meaningless and a hoax. I have since learned from Holy Spirit that there is only life, that death doesn't cut it. In clearing out the thoughts that are not of God in my mind that were barriers to Love, I saw I had a deep fear of release and attachment to being a “special” someone.  As a result I unconsciously strived to be a separate person, separate in every way, very competitive, very strong and self-centered, and always kind in front of you, while inside I was filled with terror and doubt that I successfully denied and buried, but I believed it had a life of its own.  I had to keep running and not be found out, the end game was I was "crucifying" myself, and often I had no problem with "crucifying others." Ego-wise I felt that was life...seek and do not find, substitute some form and call it the real thing.
“…What I discovered is beyond words, beyond time, and has always been in the moment for everyone. God is. Love is all there is, Love without end...”	I knew deep inside I was not happy and this was not real.  Once I admitted that, honestly, I knew there had to be a better way. I wanted inner peace and the journey opened up. I gave up marriage; I gave up ownership of children, real estate, job, and social nonsense. I spoke to few people for about a year and studied A Course in Miracles each moment. What I discovered is beyond words, beyond time, and has always been in the moment for everyone. God is. Love is all there is, Love without end. This is not a casual endeavor; it requires I be responsible for every thought and action. Now I rest in peace and experience true power and grace each moment, without effort.  Just Being.  This is the Beginning. Our essence is not "out there", it is inside our mind awaiting our awakening to It. We all have been awake during this "dream" of misperception. We all have Inner Wisdom beyond our imagination resting in Truth. If this is of any interest to you or not, you can contact me at robertatfarm@netins.net. I am here to be truly helpful. RM.
Updated July 28, 2008	ß Back to Light Experiences home page